Better Connections for Better Outcomes: New Approach to Post-Adoption Contact

These changes reflect today’s modern communication needs and research about what works best for children and families after adoption. Our goal is simple: to help build healthier connections between adopted children and their birth families, creating better outcomes for everyone involved.

Having on going contact with birth family goes beyond the idea of just ‘keeping in touch’ and the reasons why a child might benefit. After Adoption states: “it is not about maintenance of the relationships as they were with the birth family . . . what [children] like is to have some continuity that enables them to integrate the past with the present, and obviously then the future. I think contact can play a very useful role for the child in helping them understand their world and their life history.” Helen Oakwater described the role that facilitated contact could play in assisting a child to “integrate their past, allowing them to form a coherent narrative and more robust sense of self.” Quotes taken from a speech by Sir Andrew Mcfarlane President of the Family Division for courts overseeing children’s Care Proceedings. His speech from November 2003 is really worth a read.

We’ve been working much more closely with the Breath Trust Connect (BTC) team, a service that supports birth parents who are at risk or previously had a child adopted. Together with PAC-UK’s independent counselling services, we’re making sure that when adopted children or adopters want more direct contact, everyone receives the emotional support they need during what can be a sensitive time.

We have also been working more closely with our colleagues in the Life Long Links team who support children and young people to re-connect with important people in their lives they may have lost. Whether it’s virtual or face-to-face meetings, one off’s or lasting arrangements, Life Long Links has helped parties reach comfortable agreements and supported those crucial first encounters. This approach has been especially helpful when young people discover birth family members online or when adopters feel the time is right to connect.

Our Letterbox service is also getting a digital makeover. We will be piloting an upgraded online system that we hope will better match how we all communicate today, with options for sharing voice recordings, photos, and videos, bringing communication more in line with the modern day.

Listening to Birth Parents: Pascelle’s Visit to the BTC Playgroup

One of the most insightful experiences in developing our new approach came when Pascelle Grewall, our Manager for Post Adoption Support and Letterbox Service, sat down with a group of parents at BTC. These parents had previously had children adopted but have since successfully parented other children. Their candid feedback has been invaluable in helping us understand how our services really impact families.

“I had the wonderful opportunity to meet these parents in an informal setting,” Pascelle shares. “They opened up about what really matters to them in our service, and it was eye-opening. They told me that when letters arrive, it’s such a relief – ‘those letters get me through the year’ was how one parent put it. Even when they’ve felt unable to write back, it meant ‘the world’ to hear that their adopted children are doing well.”

The parents spoke honestly about the challenges they face with traditional letterbox communication. Many find our guidance feels too rigid compared to what their hearts want to say, and the emotional weight of writing these letters can be overwhelming. The support from BTC makes all the difference in helping them respond, which got us thinking about how we can increase access for families without such support.

The most heartbreaking feedback was about when communication suddenly stops or is significantly delayed. “One mum told me, ‘I used to really look forward to the letters because they were full of updates. Then all of a sudden they stopped and I don’t know why,’” Pascelle recalls. Several parents described the anxiety of waiting for delayed letters, with some fearing the worst: “I understand life gets busy, I’ve got a two-year-old, but no letters – you fear the worst,” fearing that something terrible has happened to the child and they have not been told.

The parents had brilliant suggestions too! They pointed out that even a quick message saying “everything is ok, I’m just really busy, will write soon” would bring peace of mind. And they were unanimous that our current limitations on sharing media feel outdated. “The ability to hear voice recordings from children would be “life changing” and ‘a dream come true,” explained parents. Even drawings, written work or photos taken from behind would help them get a sense of how their children are doing.”

Pascelle was deeply moved by the experience: “The warmth and connection between the parents and the children I saw was lovely to see and a real reflection of how people have an immense capacity to change. Who we are five or ten years ago is not who we are now. Meeting these families was a real opportunity to pause and think about the lasting impact of adoption decisions and the palpable loss of connection between the parents and children in that room and their children living within adoptive families.”

Adopt Birmingham recognises that in today’s digital world, where birth families and adopted children can often find each other online from as young as 11, traditional approaches need to evolve. We’re working hard to build stronger foundations for relationships that can help children understand their past while developing a secure sense of who they are.

We express our greatest thanks to all the families who have shared their experiences and helped shape these improvements!